Mel Gibson Audio Clip: Warning Signs of Domestic Violence?

by admin on July 10, 2010

The Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department have launched an investigation into domestic violence claims involving actor Mel Gibson and his ex girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva. The estranged couple is currently embroiled in an ugly custody battle over daughter Lucia and the audio tape of Mel Gibson screaming at Grigorieva was released yesterday by RadarOnline.com. The audio clip is a very ugly but if you want to listen to it, we have a clip at the end of this post.

Alcohol or drug abuse is often a warning sign in many domestic violence cases. If a partner uses alcohol or drugs heavily, especially if his habits involve daily or nearly daily intoxication, this can be one of the warning signs of a dangerous situation. But domestic violence advocate Lundy Bancroft warns against making generalizations about batterers:

Generalizations about batterers have to be made with caution. Batterers come from all socioeconomic backgrounds and levels of education. They have the full range of personality types, from mild and mousy to loud and aggressive. They are difficult to profile psychologically; they frequently fare well in psychological testing, often better than their victims do.

Lundy Bancroft is one of the top experts in the area of domestic violence and an advocate for victims of domestic abuse in the courtroom. Bancroft has written three books on the subject of domestic violence and serves as a custody evaluator, child abuse investigator, and expert witness in domestic violence and child abuse cases. According to Bancroft’s books and website, there are a few common characteristics to look for:

The batterer is controlling: he insists on having the last word in arguments and decision-making, he may control how the family’s money is spent, and he may make rules for the victim about her movements and personal contacts, such as forbidding her to use the telephone or to see certain friends.

He is manipulative: he misleads people inside and outside of the family about his abusiveness, he twists arguments around to make other people feel at fault, and he turns into a sweet, sensitive person for extended periods of time when he feels that it is in his best interest to do so. His public image usually contrasts sharply with the private reality.

He is entitled: he considers himself to have special rights and privileges not applicable to other family members. He believes that his needs should be at the center of the family’s agenda, and that everyone should focus on keeping him happy. He typically believes that it is his sole prerogative to determine when and how sexual relations will take place, and denies his partner the right to refuse (or to initiate) sex. He usually believes that housework and childcare should be done for him, and that any contributions he makes to those efforts should earn him special appreciation and deference. He is highly demanding.

He is disrespectful: he considers his partner less competent, sensitive, and intelligent than he is, often treating her as though she were an inanimate object. He communicates his sense of superiority around the house in various ways.

The unifying principle is his attitude of ownership. The batterer believes that once you are in a committed relationship with him, you belong to him. This possessiveness in batterers is the reason why killings of battered women so commonly happen when victims are attempting to leave the relationship; a batterer does not believe that his partner has the right to end a relationship until he is ready to end it.

Most abusers do not express these beliefs explicitly: they are more likely to deny having them, or even to claim to have opposite convictions that are humane and egalitarian. An experienced batterers’ counselor may have to spend several hours with the abuser before the underlying attitudes begin to show. These attitudes are generally evident to victims, however, who often feel frustrated at the batterer’s ability to present a markedly different face to the outside world. This dual aspect to his personality also helps to keep the victim confused about what he is really like, and can contribute to her blaming herself for his abusive behaviors.

Go to LundyBancroft.com to read more information on domestic violence and it’s impact on custody and court battles. Below is the clip of the alleged rant by Mel Gibson from the Associated Press: